Most people agree that you can love an adopted child as much as your own. Blood is not the only thing that matters when it comes to matters of the heart. Somehow though when you get into "step" relationships there is often an assumption of strife, difficulty, or less-than-desirability. I cannot tell you how many times I've read stories to Emma and found myself wanting to downplay the evilness of the "step-mother" simply because I don't want her to have those negative associations that are so prominent in children's literature and society.
Of course Emma has no "steps" so this isn't a personal issue for her, but she knows that I am Nathan's step-mother and I don't want her to ever think that "step" indicates anything artificial or contrived.
I wish I could say that the judgments, the assumptions, and restrictions don't bother me, but that isn't true...
Nathan and I have always had a good relationship and I have navigated through our step-waters with much naivety at first, and then finally with more wisdom. The only stereotypical elements of this relationship have come from him being told early on that I was not his real mom. While I have no problem with that clarification, I found it interesting that there was never any explanation given. At five years old he said, "I came from your tummy didn't I Mama?" So, I explained the truth that should accompany any discussion of real vs. step.
The other day Lucas was playing on the kitchen floor while I was cleaning up. Nathan was hanging out in the room with me, and the others were in another part of the house.
After some discussion he said,
"We are having a mother and son super hero conversation right now Lucas! That's what we're doing. It's pretty cool."
Made my year.
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